idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize