Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
