The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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