I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
