It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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