it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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