is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
