I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize