You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
