Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Less talking, more tequila
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
