Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
