I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My dick has a subreddit
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
