did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
