Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize