If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
