oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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