new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
