No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's rum buckets o'clock
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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