i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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