It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
