God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
