At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
