I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize