and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
