The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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