She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
