Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
