i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
