If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
