yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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