I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
