hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
