I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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