i jhust puked up my retainher.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just pee around me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
