and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
