You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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