are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
