My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize