My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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