Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
