nut hugger
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
