how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
