I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
