don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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