No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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