This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
