we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
