I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
false alarm. still invincible.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize