apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
