Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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