he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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