how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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