Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
