i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
