I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize