i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
