I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
