My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
