9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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