o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
