i think my mom watched the whole time
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
