Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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