I skipped work to stalk him.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
