Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever

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(802): View more from Vermont

We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

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(417): View more from Missouri

Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel

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(815): View more from Illinois

It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..

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(706): View more from Georgia

I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.

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(858): View more from California

He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone

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(727): View more from Florida

:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.

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