Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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