omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize