It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
be right there i have to get my cape
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
