It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
