I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
