Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize